Cool Story, Bro!

... is a saying I picked up from my brother...

... who visited me for two glorious week! I can tell you silly stories of how we had a hysterical laughing fit over Chinese subtitles at 1am or how we mimicked each others laughs while walking down the street or how we had epic jam sessions in the car or how we jumped railings to sit on the ledge by the East River or how we went to the same sushi place over & over again or how we made the Brooklyn Bridge our playground. But as I've learned over time, I suck at recounting stories. Plus, stories like those are a lot like inside jokes, funnier to us than anyone else.

It was unfortunate that I had to work while he visited but he managed to keep himself entertained during the day… napping or on the computer. I felt bad for a while that he wasn’t exploring what the city has to offer, except he was always so content with doing just that. It was so refreshing to be reminded that choosing to do nothing is in fact, doing something. I would come home & we would recap our days & he was always happy with all that he’s done, even if an adventure to him is walking to & from Subway for a lunchtime sandwich. I did force him to do one thing with me everyday though & it was usually walking through a park or going out for dinner.

It was just so much fun being with, not only my brother but, my best friend. The simplicity of our friendship is something you just don’t find very often in life... let alone siblings.

Another highlight of his visit was the mish-mash of people it brought together in which we’ve dubbed the NYCC: the NYC Crew. In what appeared to be a random turn of events of people coming & going in my life, it was perfect timing to have my brother, KLB & TGJ here & leaving all at the same time. I’m always nervous about having people from different parts of my life (family, an old college friend & a new friend, respectively) meet. But something I realized is that when you’re surrounded by amazing people, who do amazing things, pretty amazing things tend to happen. It’s as simple as that.

The bittersweet part of this is that all these amazing people left.

Those two weeks made me realize how much NYC isn’t so much of a home but is still a staging ground for what I’m still hoping to be a home & then there’s that cliché saying of, home is where the heart is. Well it’s hard finding a home when my heart is with too many different people all over the world.

Cheesy, I know… but true story, bro.

This Seems So Dramatic.

But emotionally, I feel like I'm rolling down a very, very steep hill of poop.

Oh! But being with my brother was fun & I promise I'll do a recap of that soon.

PeekChurs.

When I go on photowalks I tend to get really frustrated because I can't seem to capture an image the way I want. I have this vision of what I want a photo to look like, but it never turns out that way. I can be pretty harsh on myself when it comes to things like that.

Also, I am still shy about taking pictures most especially of people. I love seeing old men at the park playing chess, cards or mahjong & they just look like a picture perfect moment. I just feel like a stranger taking my picture would make me feel awkward. I would hate to make people feel awkward. I can't wait until my brother gets here, I'll have the opportunity to use him as my subject & the city as my backdrop. Plus, I know he'll be more patient with me & perfectionism.

Anyway, here are some pictures from my last photowalk that despite not being what I wanted, I still enjoy.

I've started a series of these photos.

All taken with my headphones on, at the Subway platform waiting for the train to come.

I'm just glad it was such a beautiful day. Going on my walk helped me explore another part of the city that I would've never found otherwise.

& as far as technique goes, seeing this quote makes me feel a little better..

"There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs.”

~Ansel Adams

No Ordinary Moments

I'm on my way to enjoy a beautiful New York summer day by going on a photo walk. I'm just waiting for my phone to finish charging. In the meantime, I made myself a quick PB&J sandwich, sipping on a beer & I've got my 2011SummerTop40 soundtrack on the background. The only thing that's missing is some good company.

Nevertheless, this moment of content, is something to savor :)

I know this song is old, but I still have it on replay these days. It's such a summer jam & I am in that acoustic mood.

Confidence.

Lately, I've been thinking about the ways I've grown as a person & as a woman. I've been thinking about how I've changed over the past years; how the places I've lived changed me; the things I've accomplished & failed. I've been thinking about my weaknesses & strengths. I've been thinking a lot about the people I care about & how despite distance separates us, my heart will never be in one physical location.

I've been thinking about how I walk differently, some times with an air of authority, confidence, & some times even arrogance. I've been thinking about how my experiences makes me feel mature, as if I am somebody. Some times I feel invincible, as if my heart cannot be easily broken.

Hat: c/o someone who broke my heart

Shades: Paul Frank

Earrings: Forever 21

This picture makes me laugh. I look like I go hard, looking pretty gangsta, if you ask me. But to keep it real, I was born & raised on an island that people think is a fruit & some times regards us as second-class citizens. I'm better about it but still feel insecure about my body. I'm not fragile, but I'm pretty sensitive. I still cry at romantic comedies. I am an idealist. I still want to save the world & the people in it. I still cross my arms because I am insecure & some times feel inadequate.

I am so blessed to have not experience true hardships or real loss in my life (yet). But the focus of this post isn't about how I am so blessed & would never take anything for granted.

This is a post about how I am not invincible & some times my thirst for experiences in this world worries me. I am worried about how at some points my heart feels hardened & mechanic & maybe the experiences I do end up having will be meaningless & I will only have been living a life of crossing things off a list. I am feeling far from God.

Sorry for the messiness & some heaviness in this post but, here's a site of quotes from some of my favorite hip hop artists. It'sIrrational

Personal Time Requires Very Little.

So as I'm about to start off what will be a seemingly busy week of work, traveling & chaos.. & I feel the need to recap my weekend. It's one of those vanity posts :)

I did a whole lot of.. nothing! It was so lovely.
I knew I had to take it easy this weekend when Friday after work I fell asleep getting my hair cut at my salon. My stylist was sweet about it though.. Siiiigh..

Saturday, I spent in bed.. all day. Watching movies, taking naps, & barely getting out of bed to eat. It was much needed after going non-stop for the past two weeks.

Sunday was a little more eventful. I spent the morning chatting with my brother -- offering some sisterly advice. It's weird to think that now we can share relationship stories, failures & triumphs, & we can relate more on our experiences.

I rolled out of bed afterwards, put on a gritty summer outfit -- jean shorts, a bikini top, a light, stripped, button down, a pair of cheap shades & my trusty Vans-- & I jetted!

I ventured to Park Slope to one of my favorite vintage shop, Beacon's Closet. Unfortunately, I didn't find anything that caught my eye.

What did catch my eye though was on my way there, there was a cute restaurant, Peperoncino, with sidewalk seating. I've been on a sidewalk-seating-&-garden-restaurant mood lately, so it was a nice find. I didn't have any food, just a mid-day refresher; their mojitos were so-so, but their margarita was well worth the try.

After I was done journaling, I grabbed an ice coffee & spent the rest of the afternoon in Sunset Park. One of my favorite parks in New York City! I love sitting up on the hill, soaking in the sun & the view with a good mix of music. But the highlight of my time there was catching up with G. & MK. over the phone. It was so wonderful talking to them again. The whole intention of going there was to catch the sunset, but being there since 1pm & waiting until about 8 or 9pm... that was pushing it. So I'll have to come back next weekend for that sunset.

All in all, it was such a pleasant weekend. Not that I was feeling overwhelmed but I could tell my body was not handling the change of pace very well. Even while I was in training we had that one hour of personal time to be on our own, to properly unwind from the events of the day. Well, I can barely get that here. So spending a whole weekend of personal time was exactly what I needed.

Far From the Usual..

Lil' Wayne - How To Love

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart

Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out

How to love...

You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in the corner tryna put it together

How to love...

The Silliness Associated with the Path to Adulthood.

I've missed many special occasions being away. Birthdays, graduations, engagements, baby showers, Hallmark holidays & the quiet change of season. I came back almost bombarded by a list of gifts that needed to be purchased for loved ones. When did this happen?! Remember a time when you only needed to buy gifts for birthdays?! Since when did gift registries become a popular thing amongst friends?

I went to a bar a few nights ago, coupled with heavy drinking.. Something that was routine to what feels like a lifetime ago. I woke up the next day, struggling to get out of bed, thinking, How did I do this regularly... & wake up only to do it all over again?!

& so we, 20-somethings, are left baffled at the changes that cross us over from young adult to adult.

excerpts of G&D

I used to worry that growing up meant not having many surprises or intense passions. But I think they're replaced with consistency, stability, security, & clarity. There's less confusion associated with not having direction.

There is a real appreciation of the simple blessings of clean laundry, the feeling as your tired body hits the bed at night, that minute of silence in the morning right before you step out of your door to start your day, & a beer, cheeseburger & ice cream with a friend under the sun.

& that is pretty comforting.

Maybe I spoke too soon. My brother just asked me how old I was & why I'm not engaged yet -.-'

Soon enough, I'll have older women trying to set me up with their bachelor sons... BAH! this adulthood thing sucks! Haha :)

Hooah, Soldier!

So yes, I am an American soldier. I graduated from Basic Combat Training & my Advanced Individual Training. There has been a lot of mixed emotions about my whole experience. The emotions come mostly from feeling torn between the ideals & the reality of what it means to be a soldier.

The Soldier's Creed describes the ideal & yet we tend to fall short on that. It's a constant struggle to live up to ideals (of course!) but I constantly feel that it will always be worth striving for. What I've reflected on the most are the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage. They say that you can't have one without embodying the rest. I feel like words have finally been put to a lifestyle I've always imagined living.

I am proud to wear the uniform. I am proud to stand beside those who believe in justice; those who fought & died for it. The mentality of the Army is constantly changing. What it means to be a soldier has even change over time; but what remains still is the camaraderie & the chance to banish terror & oppression across the world.

During Basic Training, our platoon name was the Skull Crushers. We were asked to come up with a platoon motto. By the end of our cycle I came up with this:

We serve as the

Keepers of justice,

Protectors of freedom,

Guardians of the helpless.

We stand united with valor & might.

We are the Skull Crushers.

The Soldier's Creed.

I am an American Soldier.

I am a warrior & a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States & live the Army values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically & mentally tough, trained & proficient in my warrior tasks & drills.

I am an expert & I am a professional. I stand ready to deploy, engage & destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom & the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.