Lately, I've been thinking about the ways I've grown as a person & as a woman. I've been thinking about how I've changed over the past years; how the places I've lived changed me; the things I've accomplished & failed. I've been thinking about my weaknesses & strengths. I've been thinking a lot about the people I care about & how despite distance separates us, my heart will never be in one physical location.
I've been thinking about how I walk differently, some times with an air of authority, confidence, & some times even arrogance. I've been thinking about how my experiences makes me feel mature, as if I am somebody. Some times I feel invincible, as if my heart cannot be easily broken.
Hat: c/o someone who broke my heart
Shades: Paul Frank
Earrings: Forever 21
This picture makes me laugh. I look like I go hard, looking pretty gangsta, if you ask me. But to keep it real, I was born & raised on an island that people think is a fruit & some times regards us as second-class citizens. I'm better about it but still feel insecure about my body. I'm not fragile, but I'm pretty sensitive. I still cry at romantic comedies. I am an idealist. I still want to save the world & the people in it. I still cross my arms because I am insecure & some times feel inadequate.
I am so blessed to have not experience true hardships or real loss in my life (yet). But the focus of this post isn't about how I am so blessed & would never take anything for granted.
This is a post about how I am not invincible & some times my thirst for experiences in this world worries me. I am worried about how at some points my heart feels hardened & mechanic & maybe the experiences I do end up having will be meaningless & I will only have been living a life of crossing things off a list. I am feeling far from God.
Sorry for the messiness & some heaviness in this post but, here's a site of quotes from some of my favorite hip hop artists. It'sIrrational
5 comments:
Before I get into anything too serious...I think you've had the same walk since I could remember! It's always been confident...and maybe arrogant. haha I mean..you can;t have confidence without arrogance right? SWAAAG. =)
Anyway, I love you. You're so awesome. I can't believe you feel that way about the shit your experiencing in life. You're amazing...everything you're doing right now is amazing!! You picking your nose is freaking amazing! You can't go on living believing that everything you do is completely pointless. The thought kind of scares me because it's like...well..WHY BOTHER THEN?!
Oh and what's wrong with crossing things off a list? I think that's the fun of it! You must stop this...pessimistic-ness. I can't think of the word!!
Be happy! =)
Love love you.
hahaha. thanks so much love, really :)
& you're SOOOO freaken awesome. you guys have gone through a lot of things & have managed to make it through every time, coming out as better, stronger & more loving/lovable people! haha.
i loveLOVElove you :)
Somehow there is some sense of validation when we are able to cross off some physical-or mental- list.
Thirst for experience shouldn't be a bad thing nor should it worry you. Maybe we are trying to find God in all sorts of places. God created us to LIVE. "The glory of God is a human being fully alive!..Do the things I designed humans to do.." God enjoys you using the talents and abilities he has given you. Because you are right, you are not invincible. But you still gotta live! Try to find God in every experience you have..because He's there. :) No experience is meaningless. Trust that what you are going through, or the simple fact that you desire so much experiences, that THAT is what God has in store for you. We always feel close and then far away from God. Reread the Purpose Driven Life... :)
Our relationship with God is a journey. You're amazing. I believe reflection like this is makes us stronger and closer to God..
Ps, I strongly dislike your only because..hahah LOVE YOU!
HAT*** (in the picture)
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