Linger

Do you have to let it linger? 

I thought the world of you. 

I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong. 
I was wrong. 

If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie 

Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used. 

But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you. 

Personal Time Requires Very Little.

So as I'm about to start off what will be a seemingly busy week of work, traveling & chaos.. & I feel the need to recap my weekend. It's one of those vanity posts :)

I did a whole lot of.. nothing! It was so lovely.
I knew I had to take it easy this weekend when Friday after work I fell asleep getting my hair cut at my salon. My stylist was sweet about it though.. Siiiigh..

Saturday, I spent in bed.. all day. Watching movies, taking naps, & barely getting out of bed to eat. It was much needed after going non-stop for the past two weeks.

Sunday was a little more eventful. I spent the morning chatting with my brother -- offering some sisterly advice. It's weird to think that now we can share relationship stories, failures & triumphs, & we can relate more on our experiences.

I rolled out of bed afterwards, put on a gritty summer outfit -- jean shorts, a bikini top, a light, stripped, button down, a pair of cheap shades & my trusty Vans-- & I jetted!

I ventured to Park Slope to one of my favorite vintage shop, Beacon's Closet. Unfortunately, I didn't find anything that caught my eye.

What did catch my eye though was on my way there, there was a cute restaurant, Peperoncino, with sidewalk seating. I've been on a sidewalk-seating-&-garden-restaurant mood lately, so it was a nice find. I didn't have any food, just a mid-day refresher; their mojitos were so-so, but their margarita was well worth the try.

After I was done journaling, I grabbed an ice coffee & spent the rest of the afternoon in Sunset Park. One of my favorite parks in New York City! I love sitting up on the hill, soaking in the sun & the view with a good mix of music. But the highlight of my time there was catching up with G. & MK. over the phone. It was so wonderful talking to them again. The whole intention of going there was to catch the sunset, but being there since 1pm & waiting until about 8 or 9pm... that was pushing it. So I'll have to come back next weekend for that sunset.

All in all, it was such a pleasant weekend. Not that I was feeling overwhelmed but I could tell my body was not handling the change of pace very well. Even while I was in training we had that one hour of personal time to be on our own, to properly unwind from the events of the day. Well, I can barely get that here. So spending a whole weekend of personal time was exactly what I needed.

The Silliness Associated with the Path to Adulthood.

I've missed many special occasions being away. Birthdays, graduations, engagements, baby showers, Hallmark holidays & the quiet change of season. I came back almost bombarded by a list of gifts that needed to be purchased for loved ones. When did this happen?! Remember a time when you only needed to buy gifts for birthdays?! Since when did gift registries become a popular thing amongst friends?

I went to a bar a few nights ago, coupled with heavy drinking.. Something that was routine to what feels like a lifetime ago. I woke up the next day, struggling to get out of bed, thinking, How did I do this regularly... & wake up only to do it all over again?!

& so we, 20-somethings, are left baffled at the changes that cross us over from young adult to adult.

excerpts of G&D

I used to worry that growing up meant not having many surprises or intense passions. But I think they're replaced with consistency, stability, security, & clarity. There's less confusion associated with not having direction.

There is a real appreciation of the simple blessings of clean laundry, the feeling as your tired body hits the bed at night, that minute of silence in the morning right before you step out of your door to start your day, & a beer, cheeseburger & ice cream with a friend under the sun.

& that is pretty comforting.

Maybe I spoke too soon. My brother just asked me how old I was & why I'm not engaged yet -.-'

Soon enough, I'll have older women trying to set me up with their bachelor sons... BAH! this adulthood thing sucks! Haha :)

3 Questions & Some Answers..

A good friend once shared some insight about how to tell if you're content. It can be gauged by 3 questions.

Do you love what you're doing?
Do you love where you're at?
Do you love who you're with?

If you can answer "Yes" to two out of the three questions, then in general, you're a little more than content with your life.
It's high-stress time for me right now and it makes me think about these things.

I love what I am doing. I love my internship and the little, humbling part I play in the organization. It brings perspective into why I do what I do and why I want to do it. It brings me outside of myself and into the world. But I don't just love the work that I do. I also love what I am doing for myself and the plans I am working hard to make happen. So I love that all the things I am doing brings some balance between what I want to do and what it is I am meant to do.

I am learning to love where I am at. When I first visited Washington DC, I was 13 and it was such an exciting time for me! I was learning the in's and out's of the political buzz. I did another stint in DC when I was 20. That time, I was learning about why American's hate politics. I am back here at 22. This time, I'm learning to love living here, making a life for myself here. I think DC is one learning process at a time for me. Love doesn't always come as easily as we'd like for it. So sometimes, we have to learn these things.

Who I am with.. I suppose this is where it gets tricky. Let me start with this: I am so, very blessed to have family and friends on all sides of the world to be the support system I need and more. Whether they are a 350-mile to an upward 6,000-mile phone call away, I can always count on someone to pick up. But the real question here is, "Do you love who you are with?" As in, physically, alongside, in company of. I try my best to not confuse being alone with loneliness. For the most part, I am good about it. But it does get confusing when you are in desperate need of a hug, a real shoulder to cry on, someone to bake you cupcakes, someone to enjoy gin or vodka tonics with, or someone to not have to worry about awkward silences with.

I suppose I answered Yes to one-and-a-half of the questions.
Honestly, it's not easy being here. I have such a hard time with figuring out the things I need and the things I want. I cannot understand how I always end up in a place with cold weather when I know I absolutely dread it. I miss having friends within, at the very most, a 15 minute walk/drive from me.

But I am right where I need to be and I'm giving it my all.

changes

we are writing down days when bills need to be paid, sending emails to old friends, wondering if we'll receive our checks in time, choosing between job benefits or companies that align with our beliefs, getting excited about new office supplies, keeping track of our professional image, worrying about whether we'll be the other woman or if that even matters. we're trying to figure out if we're growing apart or growing together.. or if we're growing at all. 

mostly battling between what feels right & what is practical. 

image via ffffound

but i'm turning 22 & most days i feel like finding what dress to wear is still the biggest problem in my life.

so maybe things are a little more complicated then i'd like for them to be. but, i still get excited about ice cream, laughter is still always the best medicine. i still love watching animated movies, i will always have my best friend, my family still drives me insane, sun rises & sun sets are always so beautiful, i still cry at the end of Titanic, i still giggle when i talk about boys, i still have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning & love is always amazing. 

i'm leaving home in 22 days. i usually don't count down, but this time feels different. i don't know what different means just yet. i'll save that for another post.

so when i'm in the midst of change & i'm feeling scared & apprehensive.. i know there are some things that never change & i can find comfort and familiarity every where i go. 

Real Limit

How many people can you love before it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think there was any real limit as long as you didn't care if they loved you back.

B. Andreas

game face : ON

negatives:

1. drinking way too much red bull

2. still haven't started research or writing a 10-12 page paper due friday

3. at the 20 page requirement but no where near done with putting in the information and analysis;  possible 25+ pages

positives:

1. feeling a lot of love & support from friends

2. won't have to be responsible for paying july's rent

3. i came here with a plan & i'm making it happen

took the midnight train going everywhere..

I know I said I would blog "every day until graduation."  Clearly I failed at that.  I started writing one yesterday but then I was gladly interrupted by a friend who brought me beer and good conversation. Then I started writing another one at 3AM after a night out.  I'll save you from the words that I wrote but here's a little of what I was going to post at 3AM: 

K. said if I need to feel inspired, watch this :)

Sometimes, it can't be helped to feel joy when breaking out into a song & dance number when walking with good friends. 

attempting to stay focused? fail.

I don't think I'm mentally or emotionally prepared for anything right now. College is about to end, I need to stay focused on deadlines & papers, start packing up, tying loose ends, prepare for my family's arrival (& energy), etc. 

Staying focused on school is my number one priority. Right now, I'm pretty much failing at it. Miserably. But that's alright, because I'm blessed with good company to fail along with me :)

I'm trying to think of clever and witty things to say about some things I've been up to lately. But I can't. Instead, here you go:

this is only a little of what Seattle spring can offer you

this is what best friends since the 5th grade looks like

this is what drinking 40s in the Law School looks like

this is what I'm hoping tonight will look like

P.S. you should watch UP :)