Oh Irene!

So Hurricane Irene trudged through the East Coast this past weekend.

I got a call Friday afternoon that my Unit is on standby. Ok, HOOAH!

This was a very long, anxious weekend spent waiting for a call, monitoring Irene's movements & some long overdue quality time with the roommates.

gear READY TO GO!

Seeing the prep for the storm brought back memories of my childhood on Guam. It definitely made me feel homesick for my family.

I have a folder full of Skype Date photos with my family. Here are some of my favorites:

my dad trying to cool the rice down.

sunday brunch time.

i forgot what this was all about, but my brother's face is priceless.

this was on my birthday

my mom was telling us this really epic story about how her & my dad met.

then they both froze because they heard my dad coming.

& this was their look of extreme excitement for the upcoming picture...

birthday cake & song :)

& then they fed each other MY cake -__-"

I love my family ♥

Anyway, I'm glad to know that the casualty numbers are low & damages are currently being assessed. Prayers go out to those severely affected by the storm.

Cool Story, Bro!

... is a saying I picked up from my brother...

... who visited me for two glorious week! I can tell you silly stories of how we had a hysterical laughing fit over Chinese subtitles at 1am or how we mimicked each others laughs while walking down the street or how we had epic jam sessions in the car or how we jumped railings to sit on the ledge by the East River or how we went to the same sushi place over & over again or how we made the Brooklyn Bridge our playground. But as I've learned over time, I suck at recounting stories. Plus, stories like those are a lot like inside jokes, funnier to us than anyone else.

It was unfortunate that I had to work while he visited but he managed to keep himself entertained during the day… napping or on the computer. I felt bad for a while that he wasn’t exploring what the city has to offer, except he was always so content with doing just that. It was so refreshing to be reminded that choosing to do nothing is in fact, doing something. I would come home & we would recap our days & he was always happy with all that he’s done, even if an adventure to him is walking to & from Subway for a lunchtime sandwich. I did force him to do one thing with me everyday though & it was usually walking through a park or going out for dinner.

It was just so much fun being with, not only my brother but, my best friend. The simplicity of our friendship is something you just don’t find very often in life... let alone siblings.

Another highlight of his visit was the mish-mash of people it brought together in which we’ve dubbed the NYCC: the NYC Crew. In what appeared to be a random turn of events of people coming & going in my life, it was perfect timing to have my brother, KLB & TGJ here & leaving all at the same time. I’m always nervous about having people from different parts of my life (family, an old college friend & a new friend, respectively) meet. But something I realized is that when you’re surrounded by amazing people, who do amazing things, pretty amazing things tend to happen. It’s as simple as that.

The bittersweet part of this is that all these amazing people left.

Those two weeks made me realize how much NYC isn’t so much of a home but is still a staging ground for what I’m still hoping to be a home & then there’s that cliché saying of, home is where the heart is. Well it’s hard finding a home when my heart is with too many different people all over the world.

Cheesy, I know… but true story, bro.

Home for the Holidays.

I'm reflecting on what Home means to me. A really life-changing experience for me was being a part of & eventually leading my University's Home for the Holidays Service Immersions. During those years, I've dissected & flipped around my definition of home, family, leadership, relationships & purpose.

I can go on as to how my reflections have truly provided me with different perspectives to life and where I fit in it. But for the purpose of this entry I'll keep it as focused as possible.
The holiday season is the time when home & family is most highlighted. I can't think of a time where I want to spend the most time with my family; & at this point in my life, I also think about my future family & creating a home.

So I was so blessed to get to go home this past week. Granted, I missed out on Christmas day & will miss New Year's day with my family.. but it was still just as amazing. The last time I spent the holidays with my family was in 2007.

Since leaving for college, my family & I have only grown closer. I can run to my parents for almost anything. They're still their crazy selves, but I seriously cannot imagine what my life would be like without their unconditional, sometimes stifling but still always appreciated, love and support. My brother is my best friend. Despite our age difference (six years), we still learn important life lessons from each other & share such a strong bond without any judgement.

After this trip, I also realized that genuine, really loud, sometimes annoying, no shame & my-stomach-hurts kind of laughter is a sign that I am home. Granted, I am easily amused & naturally a loud person. But when I find myself to feel so comfortable to be able to laugh so hard, so loud & with such ease, I know I have found home where I am at. I've found that my family & very, very few friends in my life can make me laugh that way & those are the people I feel the most at home with, that I really do consider family.

I pray everyday that I can build something that has even a close semblance of the family that God has blessed me with. To build a kind of home that can be found in the memories that last forever, the ones that no matter where you are at, you can still find it within infused with a love that is so overwhelming.

My auntie introduced me to this song.
She said that our love, for family is described best like this song.

forever we will stay, like a pyramid

So..

I always start an entry but feel like I don't have anything significant to write & it ends up getting deleted. But here it is, a jumbled up entry with no real focus to it.

We are more than a month into 2010 & already I think it'll be one for the records. A little bit of nothing and everything has happened so far, so I really don't know why I say that but 2010 just feels like it'll be a year to truly remember.

My sleeping pattern for the past month has been so screwed up. It is nothing new for me to have lucid dreams, wake up drenched in cold sweat, or wake up in a jolt between 12:30-1:15am. I can't find any particular reason why sleep has been a problem lately but it really is bothersome.

Slowly but surely I am learning to cook. I'm making it a goal this year to master common Filipino dishes. I am finally proving to myself that I'm not completely hopeless in the kitchen.. just a little bit hopeless.

Since Christmas my mother has been asking me to make finding a significant other a priority. This quickly becomes a very awkward topic. Recently I found myself saying, "Don't be fooled by the niceties, this could be a bribe to get you to date me..."

Snow upsets me to no end; walking in it, even more so. I will say though that I truly appreciate seeing the sun during the winters here in the East Coast.
But alas, I'm going home in March for a week! Family, sun, & beach.. here I come!!

I miss Seattle a lot & the people & life that it came with. Yes, even a little bit of that college learning business. I'm still learning to love it here in Maryland/DC. It's been quite an experience here, but a lot of my heart still belongs in the 671 & 206.

3 Questions & Some Answers..

A good friend once shared some insight about how to tell if you're content. It can be gauged by 3 questions.

Do you love what you're doing?
Do you love where you're at?
Do you love who you're with?

If you can answer "Yes" to two out of the three questions, then in general, you're a little more than content with your life.
It's high-stress time for me right now and it makes me think about these things.

I love what I am doing. I love my internship and the little, humbling part I play in the organization. It brings perspective into why I do what I do and why I want to do it. It brings me outside of myself and into the world. But I don't just love the work that I do. I also love what I am doing for myself and the plans I am working hard to make happen. So I love that all the things I am doing brings some balance between what I want to do and what it is I am meant to do.

I am learning to love where I am at. When I first visited Washington DC, I was 13 and it was such an exciting time for me! I was learning the in's and out's of the political buzz. I did another stint in DC when I was 20. That time, I was learning about why American's hate politics. I am back here at 22. This time, I'm learning to love living here, making a life for myself here. I think DC is one learning process at a time for me. Love doesn't always come as easily as we'd like for it. So sometimes, we have to learn these things.

Who I am with.. I suppose this is where it gets tricky. Let me start with this: I am so, very blessed to have family and friends on all sides of the world to be the support system I need and more. Whether they are a 350-mile to an upward 6,000-mile phone call away, I can always count on someone to pick up. But the real question here is, "Do you love who you are with?" As in, physically, alongside, in company of. I try my best to not confuse being alone with loneliness. For the most part, I am good about it. But it does get confusing when you are in desperate need of a hug, a real shoulder to cry on, someone to bake you cupcakes, someone to enjoy gin or vodka tonics with, or someone to not have to worry about awkward silences with.

I suppose I answered Yes to one-and-a-half of the questions.
Honestly, it's not easy being here. I have such a hard time with figuring out the things I need and the things I want. I cannot understand how I always end up in a place with cold weather when I know I absolutely dread it. I miss having friends within, at the very most, a 15 minute walk/drive from me.

But I am right where I need to be and I'm giving it my all.

changes

we are writing down days when bills need to be paid, sending emails to old friends, wondering if we'll receive our checks in time, choosing between job benefits or companies that align with our beliefs, getting excited about new office supplies, keeping track of our professional image, worrying about whether we'll be the other woman or if that even matters. we're trying to figure out if we're growing apart or growing together.. or if we're growing at all. 

mostly battling between what feels right & what is practical. 

image via ffffound

but i'm turning 22 & most days i feel like finding what dress to wear is still the biggest problem in my life.

so maybe things are a little more complicated then i'd like for them to be. but, i still get excited about ice cream, laughter is still always the best medicine. i still love watching animated movies, i will always have my best friend, my family still drives me insane, sun rises & sun sets are always so beautiful, i still cry at the end of Titanic, i still giggle when i talk about boys, i still have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning & love is always amazing. 

i'm leaving home in 22 days. i usually don't count down, but this time feels different. i don't know what different means just yet. i'll save that for another post.

so when i'm in the midst of change & i'm feeling scared & apprehensive.. i know there are some things that never change & i can find comfort and familiarity every where i go. 

family & lots of it.

There's nothing like family.  I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have my family.  Nuclear, extended, pseudo, etc. 

Less chaotic? Less stress? More self-esteem? More quiet?

Probably.

Probably not enough love or support.

Not enough laughter, not enough joy. 

Seattle, Washington

Raleigh, North Carolina

Centreville, Virginia

Los Angeles, California

Portland, Oregon

They're everywhere!! 

So, as I'm traveling from place to place, driving hours upon hours, hopping from plane to plane, I'm constantly reminded that these are rare days.  The arguments, short-fuses, yelling, annoyances, tears aren't forever, neither are the my sides are hurting laughter, the pranks, the silly jokes, the pinching of the cheeks, and subtle affirmations. 

pictures later :)

attempting to stay focused? fail.

I don't think I'm mentally or emotionally prepared for anything right now. College is about to end, I need to stay focused on deadlines & papers, start packing up, tying loose ends, prepare for my family's arrival (& energy), etc. 

Staying focused on school is my number one priority. Right now, I'm pretty much failing at it. Miserably. But that's alright, because I'm blessed with good company to fail along with me :)

I'm trying to think of clever and witty things to say about some things I've been up to lately. But I can't. Instead, here you go:

this is only a little of what Seattle spring can offer you

this is what best friends since the 5th grade looks like

this is what drinking 40s in the Law School looks like

this is what I'm hoping tonight will look like

P.S. you should watch UP :)

... where the heart is

Some days, home feels further away than others... 

6,000+ miles or not

This is how we say

Good Morning

Buenas Dias

Hello

Hafa Adai

Good Afternoon

Buenas Tatedes

Good Evening

Buenas Noches

and until tomorrow

esta agupa...