Timeless Throwbacks

I went home this past week (watch out for a proper recap on my trip!) & I was on this mission to find some books I wanted to take back with me. So I opened up all these boxes I packed up years ago. & cue: nostalgia!

I found old journals, letters, cards & trinkets written by people who remain in my life & have chaptered out. I never noticed how sentimental I was until I went through all these old things. My 16th birthday sash, notes I passed in high school, spoons from Family Breakfasts with BH & GS, a paper flower from a wedding I crashed with AT, postcards from MAK's time in Mexico & so much more. These little things warped me back in time to those moments.

I read old journals & I scoffed at my cheesiness & immaturity. I pined for old flames, lingered a little at my What If moments, answered & reflected on those open-ended questions, left baffeled at how things all worked out, relived heartbreaks & failures, cowered in my shame, stood by the tough decisions I made, was enthralled by my youthfullness, laughed out loud at those I Can't Believe I Did That & Lived moments..

My mom & I were talking about me leaving & how in it's roundabout way I am getting exactly what I wanted, a chance to travel & see the world. It's funny how that even two years after writing this particular entry I am going where I had dreams of!

In college, we were often thrown this question to us:

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

~Mary Oliver

& I answered it always the same... To live it in...

Love. Compassion. Authenticity.

Tibetan Prayer Flags made with intention & love from my Silent Angel ;) in 2008

What I realized through this stroll down memory lane is that there are certain emotions, experiences & people that remain timeless. There are also very small fleeting moments & transient people, but through our time here they're just as meaningful as the bigger ones. Life really is simple, just never easy. You don't always get what you want but just what you need..

I can feed you more cliches, but I'll leave you with this..

This was my last entry from my journal circa February 2007 to August 2008. No edits, so excuse grammatical errors..

August 23, 2008

"Danica, have faith in yourself, always. Love & be loved & allow yourself room for mistakes. Be forgiving to yourself & others. Love & hate wisely without a blind eye and judge where you see fit but be fair. You are beautiful. The people around you are beautiful. Love & always have faith."

The Silliness Associated with the Path to Adulthood.

I've missed many special occasions being away. Birthdays, graduations, engagements, baby showers, Hallmark holidays & the quiet change of season. I came back almost bombarded by a list of gifts that needed to be purchased for loved ones. When did this happen?! Remember a time when you only needed to buy gifts for birthdays?! Since when did gift registries become a popular thing amongst friends?

I went to a bar a few nights ago, coupled with heavy drinking.. Something that was routine to what feels like a lifetime ago. I woke up the next day, struggling to get out of bed, thinking, How did I do this regularly... & wake up only to do it all over again?!

& so we, 20-somethings, are left baffled at the changes that cross us over from young adult to adult.

excerpts of G&D

I used to worry that growing up meant not having many surprises or intense passions. But I think they're replaced with consistency, stability, security, & clarity. There's less confusion associated with not having direction.

There is a real appreciation of the simple blessings of clean laundry, the feeling as your tired body hits the bed at night, that minute of silence in the morning right before you step out of your door to start your day, & a beer, cheeseburger & ice cream with a friend under the sun.

& that is pretty comforting.

Maybe I spoke too soon. My brother just asked me how old I was & why I'm not engaged yet -.-'

Soon enough, I'll have older women trying to set me up with their bachelor sons... BAH! this adulthood thing sucks! Haha :)

changes

we are writing down days when bills need to be paid, sending emails to old friends, wondering if we'll receive our checks in time, choosing between job benefits or companies that align with our beliefs, getting excited about new office supplies, keeping track of our professional image, worrying about whether we'll be the other woman or if that even matters. we're trying to figure out if we're growing apart or growing together.. or if we're growing at all. 

mostly battling between what feels right & what is practical. 

image via ffffound

but i'm turning 22 & most days i feel like finding what dress to wear is still the biggest problem in my life.

so maybe things are a little more complicated then i'd like for them to be. but, i still get excited about ice cream, laughter is still always the best medicine. i still love watching animated movies, i will always have my best friend, my family still drives me insane, sun rises & sun sets are always so beautiful, i still cry at the end of Titanic, i still giggle when i talk about boys, i still have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning & love is always amazing. 

i'm leaving home in 22 days. i usually don't count down, but this time feels different. i don't know what different means just yet. i'll save that for another post.

so when i'm in the midst of change & i'm feeling scared & apprehensive.. i know there are some things that never change & i can find comfort and familiarity every where i go.