Just the Essentials

Eliminating desire for all that doesn't really matter.

~M. Zuckerberg

The simple, yet loaded, question was posed to me a few days ago: What is it you're looking for?

So I've been reflecting on this, or to use RR's metaphor, putting all the puzzle pieces together to make sense of everything.

I've spent a long time trying to figure out what is most important in my life, what it is that I want & how that all fits into what it is I feel my purpose in this life is.

So for the past few years, I've been struggling to remove people, activities, things, & emotions from my life that kept me stagnant & trying to add more of what was most conducive to a life of service. I've been trying to align my desires with a focused life & I can tell you now that it's going to be a life-long process for me. But through this process of stripping down to just the essentials, I've found some direction & it seems like I've narrowed it down.

source: f*ckyeahhappy.tumblr.com

I want to say that I feel like I've had some sort of breakthrough, but I don't. It's almost as if I've known this all along, but was just never able to articulate it. More importantly, now that I can say it, I feel more apt to doing it.

On another note:

November, how did you get here so quickly?!

& I believe my room has an infestation of lady bugs, this is the third one I've seen this week...

& I'm ok with that :)

& if you're curious to know what my answer to the question of, "What is it you're looking for?"

... I answered, "A home."

& Here is My New York Edition...

This was my DC edition.

The questions:

Do you love what you're doing?
Do you love where you're at?
Do you love who you're with?

What am I doing? I spend a good portion of my day in an office working with different & often difficult personalities. Each day reminds me of how much the system can be a disservice to us all but also how there are people who are their only barrier. However, I really don't want to limit this answer to what my job is. I cannot let my job define who I am and what I am doing with my life. What I am doing is exploring who I am in the most isolated & independent way I have ever tried. I am creating a home for myself, by myself. I'm stumbling through my own obstacles & overcoming the ones others put before me.

I love where I'm at. New York City has always been a dream of mine. At 13, I first got off a bus onto a bustling street with a twinkle in my eye. Not much has changed ten years later. It's not even New York City that I am in love with, it's Brooklyn. Brooklyn, I feel like it's the place that falls nearly right at the cross section of my current needs & desires. But it's not only about how it's catering to my needs; I can go on about what Brooklyn offers but I think Larry King says it best, "Brooklyn taught survival, not in a morality sense but in a speak-up-for-what-you-want sense. You didn't get far by being shy in that town." That's what I love the most about it. Don't get me wrong, everything that shines ain't always gold (wow, now I'm just stealing lines, credit to Kid Cudi, hah). There are days where I feel exactly like this but I wouldn't be getting the full experience if everything had that twinkle, right?

I've met a character of people here & it's been an adventure getting to know them. But to say that I really know them or even that they know me would be a lie. I think we're no where close to scratching the surface. But also, there are a lot of complexities to getting to know someone & making that judgment call of whether or not you actually like them. Some of those complexities include length of time & consistency & I lack both elements in my social interactions so far here. However, in a city where people are so transient, sometimes all you need is someone's familiar presence & that is something I've been lucky at; lucky enough to find people I can try to build some familiarity with.
It'll never, ever be easy being away from the comfort of family & close friends. I am blessed enough though to at least have my best friend within the same state, hah!

I feel like I'm at the tipping point of all answers. But for right now, that's fine with me.

"In New York, we don't think... We just DO."

Quote courtesy of FA.

From Washington DC, I drove a U-Haul to Brooklyn, NY March 22, 2010. That's about 3 months after I was standing outside my best friend's apartment in Poughkeepsie, NY & I had firmly decided, "I am making a childhood dream happen. I am moving to New York City this year!"

About two months have passed since the move. It has been two months of adventures, new people, new insights, good times and hardships. There's too much of this city I have yet to explore, experience, love & dread. But I've had my fair share of experiences considering my short time here & I am enjoying every minute of it. Even in the midst of confusion & constant noise, I am learning so much & growing from it.

A prominent theme I caught on to: You need a serious ego & backbone to survive here. Survival versus living. Anyone can live in New York City. But this is a city you need to survive in. It will chew you up, swallow, spit you back out & repeat if not proceeded with caution. A constant struggle, sink or swim, do or die, go big or go home... I think all those cliches were born in NYC.. & possibly perfected elsewhere.

Whether you'll survive is grounded in how much you believe in yourself mentally, emotionally, & physically and whether or not you can say yes or no with conviction & I see the difference between surviving & living. If you don't have either, you better start working on it.

But how elitist of me to say all of that! Who am I to say that this only happens in NYC? In a recent e-mail response to some of my observations here a good friend of mine said, "New York may not be built for the weak, but I think simply living is not for the weak." (Thanks for that by the way, BH.)

However, not all my reflections of New York City are based on observation of others. There's been a lot of self-reflection. Whenever someone undergoes any sort of significant change, so many questions arise. Who am I? How do I relate in this world, my surroundings & the people in it? ... Just to name a few.

Lately, I've been taking walks along the Shore Promenade in my neighborhood. They've been quiet, considering. But I've been thinking about the questions, the answers, and the attempts to find both...

... time for another stroll.