family & lots of it.

There's nothing like family.  I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have my family.  Nuclear, extended, pseudo, etc. 

Less chaotic? Less stress? More self-esteem? More quiet?

Probably.

Probably not enough love or support.

Not enough laughter, not enough joy. 

Seattle, Washington

Raleigh, North Carolina

Centreville, Virginia

Los Angeles, California

Portland, Oregon

They're everywhere!! 

So, as I'm traveling from place to place, driving hours upon hours, hopping from plane to plane, I'm constantly reminded that these are rare days.  The arguments, short-fuses, yelling, annoyances, tears aren't forever, neither are the my sides are hurting laughter, the pranks, the silly jokes, the pinching of the cheeks, and subtle affirmations. 

pictures later :)

game face : ON

negatives:

1. drinking way too much red bull

2. still haven't started research or writing a 10-12 page paper due friday

3. at the 20 page requirement but no where near done with putting in the information and analysis;  possible 25+ pages

positives:

1. feeling a lot of love & support from friends

2. won't have to be responsible for paying july's rent

3. i came here with a plan & i'm making it happen

I Shall Believe

not everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be

it seems like every time i try to make it right it all comes down on me

God, Please Say Honestly You Won't Give Up On Me

but I Shall Believe

took the midnight train going everywhere..

I know I said I would blog "every day until graduation."  Clearly I failed at that.  I started writing one yesterday but then I was gladly interrupted by a friend who brought me beer and good conversation. Then I started writing another one at 3AM after a night out.  I'll save you from the words that I wrote but here's a little of what I was going to post at 3AM: 

K. said if I need to feel inspired, watch this :)

Sometimes, it can't be helped to feel joy when breaking out into a song & dance number when walking with good friends. 

College Classes: One thing I get to cross off my list.

3 negatives:

1. Again, petty co-workers. If there was a level below petty, they'd be there.

2. I got my test back & didn't do as well as I expected.

3. I don't have any clean clothes to wear.

3 positives:

1. G. made me lunch & a drink before class today.  It was quite amazing.

2. My family comes in 7 days.

3. I had dinner with M. & C. after having a rough meeting.  

It just hit me, today was my last day of classes for college.  I didn't even see it coming.  Because I'm feeling very overwhelmed about the things that need to get done, I cannot get in the right mindset to feel bittersweet about it.  I do not like this feeling at all.  College classes is such a unique forum where people from different backgrounds with different opinions, goals, hopes & dreams can come together to discuss intelligent (or even pseudo-intelligent) stuff.  I won't have that any more.  Even as I'm typing this, I am still feeling only overwhelmed.

A. & G. were talking yesterday of how they will miss college.  All they said was so true and so real. I know I will too. But right now, I can't focus on the great things college has/d to offer me.  All I have are tasks that need to be completed, a to-do list of many sorts, and motions to go through. 

I know that I have made a very conscious effort to enjoy every moment (including the difficult ones) but what scares me is that at the end, I won't know where the time has gone.  All ending as abruptly as I walked out of my last college class and not even realize it until hours later. I am not transitioning out of college.  I feel like I am practically kicking myself out.

I had my last meeting for JumpStart today.  Didn't see that one coming either.

oh Sinfest

This is what I wish finals week my life looked like..

YEP.

I'm going to blog everyday until I'm done with college which is in twelve days. They call this procrastination. 

I will start off with 3 negatives of the day:

1. My coworkers are really petty.

2. My land lord is a douche bag.

3. I still have so much I need to do.

3 positives:

1. I woke up on time.

2. It was my unofficial last day at work today.

3. I got to print out over 50 pages of research without any cost to me. 

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night because my phone alerts me, basically screaming (or vibrating): YOU HAVE MAIL from Story People & Daily Guru Quotes!!!

& I really like it.  I feel like the world is telling me that even as I sleep, it is sending me good vibes.

Here is the Quote for the day:

The purpose of relationships is not happiness, but transformation.

~Andrew Schneider

attempting to stay focused? fail.

I don't think I'm mentally or emotionally prepared for anything right now. College is about to end, I need to stay focused on deadlines & papers, start packing up, tying loose ends, prepare for my family's arrival (& energy), etc. 

Staying focused on school is my number one priority. Right now, I'm pretty much failing at it. Miserably. But that's alright, because I'm blessed with good company to fail along with me :)

I'm trying to think of clever and witty things to say about some things I've been up to lately. But I can't. Instead, here you go:

this is only a little of what Seattle spring can offer you

this is what best friends since the 5th grade looks like

this is what drinking 40s in the Law School looks like

this is what I'm hoping tonight will look like

P.S. you should watch UP :)

one of those days

some days, i feel sad

i just woke up feeling this way

just one of those days

I can't help it.

Some things about me:

1. I am a closeted romantic.

2. I have a serious friend crush on Michelle Obama. 

3. My dream job would be the First Lady of the United States.

Mr. & Mrs. Barack Obama

courtesy of GangstaBride

"The Most Beautiful Heart"

This weekend was full of light, laughter, and love. 

I heard this over the weekend & thought I'd share.  

The Most Beautiful Heart
By Author Unknown

One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.
A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.

Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.

The people stared  "How can he say his heart is more beautiful?" they thought.
The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared."

"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"
The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks.

He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands. The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.

The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

They embraced and walked away side by side.