No Ordinary Moments

I'm on my way to enjoy a beautiful New York summer day by going on a photo walk. I'm just waiting for my phone to finish charging. In the meantime, I made myself a quick PB&J sandwich, sipping on a beer & I've got my 2011SummerTop40 soundtrack on the background. The only thing that's missing is some good company.

Nevertheless, this moment of content, is something to savor :)

I know this song is old, but I still have it on replay these days. It's such a summer jam & I am in that acoustic mood.

Confidence.

Lately, I've been thinking about the ways I've grown as a person & as a woman. I've been thinking about how I've changed over the past years; how the places I've lived changed me; the things I've accomplished & failed. I've been thinking about my weaknesses & strengths. I've been thinking a lot about the people I care about & how despite distance separates us, my heart will never be in one physical location.

I've been thinking about how I walk differently, some times with an air of authority, confidence, & some times even arrogance. I've been thinking about how my experiences makes me feel mature, as if I am somebody. Some times I feel invincible, as if my heart cannot be easily broken.

Hat: c/o someone who broke my heart

Shades: Paul Frank

Earrings: Forever 21

This picture makes me laugh. I look like I go hard, looking pretty gangsta, if you ask me. But to keep it real, I was born & raised on an island that people think is a fruit & some times regards us as second-class citizens. I'm better about it but still feel insecure about my body. I'm not fragile, but I'm pretty sensitive. I still cry at romantic comedies. I am an idealist. I still want to save the world & the people in it. I still cross my arms because I am insecure & some times feel inadequate.

I am so blessed to have not experience true hardships or real loss in my life (yet). But the focus of this post isn't about how I am so blessed & would never take anything for granted.

This is a post about how I am not invincible & some times my thirst for experiences in this world worries me. I am worried about how at some points my heart feels hardened & mechanic & maybe the experiences I do end up having will be meaningless & I will only have been living a life of crossing things off a list. I am feeling far from God.

Sorry for the messiness & some heaviness in this post but, here's a site of quotes from some of my favorite hip hop artists. It'sIrrational

Personal Time Requires Very Little.

So as I'm about to start off what will be a seemingly busy week of work, traveling & chaos.. & I feel the need to recap my weekend. It's one of those vanity posts :)

I did a whole lot of.. nothing! It was so lovely.
I knew I had to take it easy this weekend when Friday after work I fell asleep getting my hair cut at my salon. My stylist was sweet about it though.. Siiiigh..

Saturday, I spent in bed.. all day. Watching movies, taking naps, & barely getting out of bed to eat. It was much needed after going non-stop for the past two weeks.

Sunday was a little more eventful. I spent the morning chatting with my brother -- offering some sisterly advice. It's weird to think that now we can share relationship stories, failures & triumphs, & we can relate more on our experiences.

I rolled out of bed afterwards, put on a gritty summer outfit -- jean shorts, a bikini top, a light, stripped, button down, a pair of cheap shades & my trusty Vans-- & I jetted!

I ventured to Park Slope to one of my favorite vintage shop, Beacon's Closet. Unfortunately, I didn't find anything that caught my eye.

What did catch my eye though was on my way there, there was a cute restaurant, Peperoncino, with sidewalk seating. I've been on a sidewalk-seating-&-garden-restaurant mood lately, so it was a nice find. I didn't have any food, just a mid-day refresher; their mojitos were so-so, but their margarita was well worth the try.

After I was done journaling, I grabbed an ice coffee & spent the rest of the afternoon in Sunset Park. One of my favorite parks in New York City! I love sitting up on the hill, soaking in the sun & the view with a good mix of music. But the highlight of my time there was catching up with G. & MK. over the phone. It was so wonderful talking to them again. The whole intention of going there was to catch the sunset, but being there since 1pm & waiting until about 8 or 9pm... that was pushing it. So I'll have to come back next weekend for that sunset.

All in all, it was such a pleasant weekend. Not that I was feeling overwhelmed but I could tell my body was not handling the change of pace very well. Even while I was in training we had that one hour of personal time to be on our own, to properly unwind from the events of the day. Well, I can barely get that here. So spending a whole weekend of personal time was exactly what I needed.

Far From the Usual..

Lil' Wayne - How To Love

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart

Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out

How to love...

You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in the corner tryna put it together

How to love...

The Silliness Associated with the Path to Adulthood.

I've missed many special occasions being away. Birthdays, graduations, engagements, baby showers, Hallmark holidays & the quiet change of season. I came back almost bombarded by a list of gifts that needed to be purchased for loved ones. When did this happen?! Remember a time when you only needed to buy gifts for birthdays?! Since when did gift registries become a popular thing amongst friends?

I went to a bar a few nights ago, coupled with heavy drinking.. Something that was routine to what feels like a lifetime ago. I woke up the next day, struggling to get out of bed, thinking, How did I do this regularly... & wake up only to do it all over again?!

& so we, 20-somethings, are left baffled at the changes that cross us over from young adult to adult.

excerpts of G&D

I used to worry that growing up meant not having many surprises or intense passions. But I think they're replaced with consistency, stability, security, & clarity. There's less confusion associated with not having direction.

There is a real appreciation of the simple blessings of clean laundry, the feeling as your tired body hits the bed at night, that minute of silence in the morning right before you step out of your door to start your day, & a beer, cheeseburger & ice cream with a friend under the sun.

& that is pretty comforting.

Maybe I spoke too soon. My brother just asked me how old I was & why I'm not engaged yet -.-'

Soon enough, I'll have older women trying to set me up with their bachelor sons... BAH! this adulthood thing sucks! Haha :)

Hooah, Soldier!

So yes, I am an American soldier. I graduated from Basic Combat Training & my Advanced Individual Training. There has been a lot of mixed emotions about my whole experience. The emotions come mostly from feeling torn between the ideals & the reality of what it means to be a soldier.

The Soldier's Creed describes the ideal & yet we tend to fall short on that. It's a constant struggle to live up to ideals (of course!) but I constantly feel that it will always be worth striving for. What I've reflected on the most are the Army Values: Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage. They say that you can't have one without embodying the rest. I feel like words have finally been put to a lifestyle I've always imagined living.

I am proud to wear the uniform. I am proud to stand beside those who believe in justice; those who fought & died for it. The mentality of the Army is constantly changing. What it means to be a soldier has even change over time; but what remains still is the camaraderie & the chance to banish terror & oppression across the world.

During Basic Training, our platoon name was the Skull Crushers. We were asked to come up with a platoon motto. By the end of our cycle I came up with this:

We serve as the

Keepers of justice,

Protectors of freedom,

Guardians of the helpless.

We stand united with valor & might.

We are the Skull Crushers.

The Soldier's Creed.

I am an American Soldier.

I am a warrior & a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States & live the Army values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically & mentally tough, trained & proficient in my warrior tasks & drills.

I am an expert & I am a professional. I stand ready to deploy, engage & destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom & the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

Home for the Holidays.

I'm reflecting on what Home means to me. A really life-changing experience for me was being a part of & eventually leading my University's Home for the Holidays Service Immersions. During those years, I've dissected & flipped around my definition of home, family, leadership, relationships & purpose.

I can go on as to how my reflections have truly provided me with different perspectives to life and where I fit in it. But for the purpose of this entry I'll keep it as focused as possible.
The holiday season is the time when home & family is most highlighted. I can't think of a time where I want to spend the most time with my family; & at this point in my life, I also think about my future family & creating a home.

So I was so blessed to get to go home this past week. Granted, I missed out on Christmas day & will miss New Year's day with my family.. but it was still just as amazing. The last time I spent the holidays with my family was in 2007.

Since leaving for college, my family & I have only grown closer. I can run to my parents for almost anything. They're still their crazy selves, but I seriously cannot imagine what my life would be like without their unconditional, sometimes stifling but still always appreciated, love and support. My brother is my best friend. Despite our age difference (six years), we still learn important life lessons from each other & share such a strong bond without any judgement.

After this trip, I also realized that genuine, really loud, sometimes annoying, no shame & my-stomach-hurts kind of laughter is a sign that I am home. Granted, I am easily amused & naturally a loud person. But when I find myself to feel so comfortable to be able to laugh so hard, so loud & with such ease, I know I have found home where I am at. I've found that my family & very, very few friends in my life can make me laugh that way & those are the people I feel the most at home with, that I really do consider family.

I pray everyday that I can build something that has even a close semblance of the family that God has blessed me with. To build a kind of home that can be found in the memories that last forever, the ones that no matter where you are at, you can still find it within infused with a love that is so overwhelming.

My auntie introduced me to this song.
She said that our love, for family is described best like this song.

forever we will stay, like a pyramid

Dear God:
I think You're amazing. I really do.
But sometimes, I don't get Your sense of humor.


sigh...
Thanks for everything, anyway though.

Much Love,
Danica

Not Always Safe But Still Present.

It's quiet & wounds are still fresh. The same way dew collects on cold early mornings, silent & pure.

There's no animosity, just part resentment on both parties for having to pick up pieces of my partially shattered ego but mostly broken heart.

But here I am. Even under different expected circumstances, I am still getting exactly what I always hoped for...
A chance for growth and the opportunity to test my strength & ability to love...