changes

we are writing down days when bills need to be paid, sending emails to old friends, wondering if we'll receive our checks in time, choosing between job benefits or companies that align with our beliefs, getting excited about new office supplies, keeping track of our professional image, worrying about whether we'll be the other woman or if that even matters. we're trying to figure out if we're growing apart or growing together.. or if we're growing at all. 

mostly battling between what feels right & what is practical. 

image via ffffound

but i'm turning 22 & most days i feel like finding what dress to wear is still the biggest problem in my life.

so maybe things are a little more complicated then i'd like for them to be. but, i still get excited about ice cream, laughter is still always the best medicine. i still love watching animated movies, i will always have my best friend, my family still drives me insane, sun rises & sun sets are always so beautiful, i still cry at the end of Titanic, i still giggle when i talk about boys, i still have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning & love is always amazing. 

i'm leaving home in 22 days. i usually don't count down, but this time feels different. i don't know what different means just yet. i'll save that for another post.

so when i'm in the midst of change & i'm feeling scared & apprehensive.. i know there are some things that never change & i can find comfort and familiarity every where i go. 

Fred Forever

e.e. cummings

On Boys with Girlfriends

Aside from it being complicated, some boys need to grow some balls & some girls need to get over their insecurities. 

I mean this is just one perspective.. 

I suppose.

".. she can kiss my ass, alright!"

on being sick & microblogging!

i've been in bed for the past couple of days. fighting off what seems to be the worst cough that has hit my immune system. while usually i will just brush it off & continue to gallivant, i am taking it quite seriously now & staying indoors. 

i feel kind of lonely, actually. but i honestly feel too weak to call anyone over to entertain me, in all likelihood it would really just be friends watching me lay under my blanket & watch me attempt to hack up a lung.  plus, it would suck to have to get someone else sick. 

& on this microblogging thing. i've been trying to fight it for so long & creating a twitter appeals the very least to me. not to mention, i can't imagine anyone wanting to know what i'm doing/thinking at least every four hours.  

also, a guilty pleasure of mine is style, everything good and evil of it.  & i don't want to use this blog as a way to post up pictures of my material-lusts.. call me shallow.. but that's what guilty pleasures are. sigh.

so i've given in: i've gotten a tumblr. 

& i can't help but be so excited :)

Real Limit

How many people can you love before it's too much? she said
& I said I didn't think there was any real limit as long as you didn't care if they loved you back.

B. Andreas

On Coming Back.

I feel like Life paused Me while letting everything continue. Life, then, pushed play on Me after four years. So while some things have been rearranged, I'm scrambling in all the same places.

family & lots of it.

There's nothing like family.  I can't imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have my family.  Nuclear, extended, pseudo, etc. 

Less chaotic? Less stress? More self-esteem? More quiet?

Probably.

Probably not enough love or support.

Not enough laughter, not enough joy. 

Seattle, Washington

Raleigh, North Carolina

Centreville, Virginia

Los Angeles, California

Portland, Oregon

They're everywhere!! 

So, as I'm traveling from place to place, driving hours upon hours, hopping from plane to plane, I'm constantly reminded that these are rare days.  The arguments, short-fuses, yelling, annoyances, tears aren't forever, neither are the my sides are hurting laughter, the pranks, the silly jokes, the pinching of the cheeks, and subtle affirmations. 

pictures later :)

game face : ON

negatives:

1. drinking way too much red bull

2. still haven't started research or writing a 10-12 page paper due friday

3. at the 20 page requirement but no where near done with putting in the information and analysis;  possible 25+ pages

positives:

1. feeling a lot of love & support from friends

2. won't have to be responsible for paying july's rent

3. i came here with a plan & i'm making it happen

I Shall Believe

not everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be

it seems like every time i try to make it right it all comes down on me

God, Please Say Honestly You Won't Give Up On Me

but I Shall Believe

took the midnight train going everywhere..

I know I said I would blog "every day until graduation."  Clearly I failed at that.  I started writing one yesterday but then I was gladly interrupted by a friend who brought me beer and good conversation. Then I started writing another one at 3AM after a night out.  I'll save you from the words that I wrote but here's a little of what I was going to post at 3AM: 

K. said if I need to feel inspired, watch this :)

Sometimes, it can't be helped to feel joy when breaking out into a song & dance number when walking with good friends.